In my last post I told you all that I had resigned as a teacher to become a stay-at-home mom. I also told you it was the hardest decision I've ever made. And it was. It was easy to decide to marry my husband. It was even easier to decide to have his babies. But deciding to give up teaching, a job I love, while I raise these babies? Not as easy. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely think I made the right decision.
But yesterday while working out, it hit me.....I am no longer a teacher. I completely broke down. I hadn't mourned for the loss of this part of my life yet. I thought that by being sad or upset that I was saying that I made the wrong decision, but that's not true at all!
Anyway, while laying on the floor, bawling, I remembered a song that my friend Claire mention on her blog, The Blog Bloom. It's called Fight Song by Rachel Platten. Now, I had never heard of Rachel or this song before. Usually I'm listening to Frank Sinatra, Michael Buble or contemporary Christian on Pandora while I'm at home or I'm tuned in to country while driving in my car. Upon remembering this song, I immediately downloaded it from iTunes. I put it on repeat until I was all cried out and determined to be the best stay-at-home mom I could be. This song may become my new mom anthem. A song to pump me up for what lies ahead.
Let me share some of the lyrics with you and explain why this is my new anthem.
"Like a small boat on the ocean, sending big waves into motion."
This line reminds me of the JFK quote, "One person can make a difference and everyone should try," because what else are we doing as parents than trying to make a difference in the world by raising good kids. My kids could cure cancer or become president. They could start an orphanage in Africa or South America. But they could also lead normal lives changing the world simply by living for God on a daily basis. My kids and your kids can change the world, but we as parents have to give them the guidance and foundation for that.
"Like how a single word can make a heart open."
Congratulations MOM! I can remember the doctor saying that after L was born. Mom. I was a mom. A childhood dream realized. I have never felt my heart get so big, well at least until I heard those words again after J was born.
"And all those things I didn't say, wrecking balls inside my brain. I will scream them loud tonight. Can you hear my voice this time?"
This line makes me think of all of the things that I missed teaching L the first few years of her life since I didn't stay home earlier. Now I have the chance to make up for that. I don't have to miss out on things, like the look of pride on her face when she learns something new. We can make cookies and cuddle. Hopefully I'll teach her to love Audrey Hepburn too. I've always wanted to lay in bed with my girl on a rainy Sunday and have an Audrey movie marathon.
"This is my fight song. Take back my life song. Prove I'm alright song."
Like I said earlier, it has been hard making this decision. I will absolutely miss teaching, but I know I'd miss my babies and all that I could teach them more. This song gets me pumped! I'm allowed to mourn for the teaching part of my life, but I'm going to be okay....better than okay. I get to spend every day with the people I love most in the world.
"My power's turned on. Starting right now I'll be strong."
This line reminded me of a poster I saw on Pinterest. It said, "If you ever feel like giving up, just remember there is a little girl watching and she wants to be just like you...don't disappoint her." Starting today I'm going to be the person my children see most, at least for these first few years. They will be with me 24 hours a day most days. I HAVE to be a strong role model for them. They have to see me being the kind of person I hope that they will grow up to be.
"Losing my friends and I'm chasing sleep."
While I'm not losing friends, I won't see them everyday like before. I will miss them, but that's what Facebook and Instagram are for! As far as the chasing sleep...I have a baby and a toddler. Need I say more?
These aren't all of the lyrics of the song, but these are some of the ones that stood out the most to me. These are the lyrics that gave me comfort in the middle of my doubt. These are the lyrics that made me decide to make this song my mom anthem.
What song is your anthem?